Following on from the Points deduction article YAMS would like to introduce our new football reporter Bwian Weed who is claiming to be a very close relative of the Scouse cunt from the Mirror. In his first piece for Wigan’s favourite obscene website he interviews want-away winger, Charles N’Zogbia.....
BW: Why do you want to leave Wigan so bad lar? Is it because they get low crowds and have no right to be in the Premier League?
CN: Well I want to pay for a beeg club who will pay me beeg monies
BW: But you did play for a big club when you were at Newcastle you soft melt.
CN: Yes but they not pay me beeg monies and Roy Kinnell call me nasty name and I was notappy. What is melt?
BW: Never mind about that. When you get a move to a big club, will you settle down eh eh?
CN: No I will want to leave straayt away and go to even beeger club who will pay me massive monies than the last lot, after all, I am Charles N’Zogbia.
BW: Do you think you will eventually end up at Chelsea or Liverpool who have loads of tradition not like Wigan?
CN: It is inevitable
BW: So this will be the pinnacle of your career, you will have reached the top and bought an ‘ouse in Freshfields
CN: No, I will want to go to even beeger club who will pay me even beeg monies.
BW: But you don’t get bigger clubs than those two, how will you top that?
CN: I will make new club, FC Charles N’Zogbia and have myself clone like Dolly the Shep. Chairman will be Charles N’Zogbia, manager will be Charles N’Zogbia and all players will be Charles N’Zogbia. Team will play at CN Stadium. I will then want to move to even beeg club with hooge wayges.
BW: Sorry you’re doin’ me ‘ead in now, how can you do that?
CN: I have row with chairman and manager and fall out with all players until it impossible for me to stay.
BW: But there’s nowhere else to go
CN: Yes, I can go to Sunnerlan who are beegest of all an promise me load of money and a Peugeot 806 with dark windows, well that what Stevie Brucie tell me last week when I meet him at Scotch Corner. He say Muckleesh is tight fist Scotch twat. I go now, that be £10,000 for my time.