Wigan's favourite obscene website
. Sparking Outrage since 2000 (with a few lost years in between)

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Charles N’Zogbia Interview

Following on from the Points deduction article YAMS would like to introduce our new football reporter Bwian Weed who is claiming to be a very close relative of the Scouse cunt from the Mirror.  In his first piece for Wigan’s favourite obscene website he interviews want-away winger, Charles N’Zogbia.....

BW: Why do you want to leave Wigan so bad lar? Is it because they get low crowds and have no right to be in the Premier League?

CN: Well I want to pay for a beeg club who will pay me beeg monies

BW: But you did play for a big club when you were at Newcastle you soft melt.

CN: Yes but they not pay me beeg monies and Roy Kinnell call me nasty name and I was notappy. What is melt?

BW: Never mind about that. When you get a move to a big club, will you settle down eh eh?

CN: No I will want to leave straayt away and go to even beeger club who will pay me massive monies than the last lot, after all, I am Charles N’Zogbia.

BW: Do you think you will eventually end up at Chelsea or Liverpool who have loads of tradition not like Wigan?

CN: It is inevitable

BW: So this will be the pinnacle of your career, you will have reached the top and bought an ‘ouse in Freshfields

CN: No, I will want to go to even beeger club who will pay me even beeg monies.

BW: But you don’t get bigger clubs than those two, how will you top that?

CN: I will make new club, FC Charles N’Zogbia and have myself clone like Dolly the Shep. Chairman will be Charles N’Zogbia, manager will be Charles N’Zogbia and all players will be Charles N’Zogbia.  Team will play at CN Stadium. I will then want to move to even beeg club with hooge wayges.

BW: Sorry you’re doin’ me ‘ead in now, how can you do that?

CN: I have row with chairman and manager and fall out with all players until it impossible for me to stay.

BW: But there’s nowhere else to go

CN: Yes, I can go to Sunnerlan who are beegest of all an promise me load of money and a Peugeot 806 with dark windows, well that what Stevie Brucie tell me last week when I meet him at Scotch Corner. He say Muckleesh is tight fist Scotch twat. I go now, that be £10,000 for my time.

Sunday, August 29, 2010


YAMS can today exclusively reveal that Preston North End cunt, Maurice Lindsay has left the UK for San Jose in Chile.

Whilst looking for him to hear his reaction to yesterdays Carling Cup draw, YAMS discovered Lindsay at Manchester airport being questioned by Customs for a large tub of lube he was attempting to smuggle onto his flight.

"I hear there are several trapped and helpless minors" said Lindsay when questioned by YAMS.

Lindsey has a history of overseas trips to search out minors to groom. His most successful trips were to Australia in the 80's and 90's where hundreds of young Aussie boys were raped in a highly productive period for Mo.

"What excites me most about this" said the Nob end leech "is that from what I've read in the papers, the minors are desperate for someone to go down their shaft. They've been waiting for someone to do it for a couple of weeks now, they must be gagging for it. I'm more than happy to oblige. I'll let them go up and down my shaft as well if they're lucky."

YAMS then broke the sad news to Lindsay that it wasn't a group of young boys looking for sex but actually a new series of Chilean Big Brother.

"Oh I see" minced Lindsay as he looked at our video footage of the Reality TV contestants. "They're a bit old for me really but the site of their topless hot sweaty bodies is giving me a hard on so I'm going over regardless. I hear the age of consent is 12 over there anyway. Not as though age of consent has ever stopped me before LOL"

Preston North End were unavailable for comment as YAMS went to press as they were too busy crying about Manchester nicking the football museum.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


Wigan Athletic were today deducted 3 points from the Premier League following the number of fans they took to White Hart Lane. The BBC, Brian Reade and fans of other massive clubs who deserve Premier League status such as Leeds, Sheffield Wednesday and Southampton were outraged that less than 100 made the long expensive trek down to London.

"Its an absolute disgrace" said Scouse cunt Brian Reade. "It's well know that League positions have long been decided on size of crowds. Wigan Athletic are clearly flaunting this rule"

Tottenham fans were just as irate. "They bring down a handful of fans and even have the cheek to outsing us through the entire match."

The Premier League agreed with the sentiments handed out to the relatively new football league club that has increased its average gate by more than 1000% in the last 15 years.

"We cannot have teams moving up the Premier League table if they don't have the fan numbers to back it up. It is simply unacceptable. We are considering changing the entire football league structure around and awarding points for how many fans turn up rather than the silly notion of who scores most goals.
Wimbledon were the last team to try and pull a stunt like Wigan are now and that was something they lived to regret. Our laws clearly state that any team attempting to circumvent Premier Leagues rules by going under the EPL fan threshold will have their entire football league histories wiped from the record books, their name scraped off any trophies they may have won and their club closed down and replaced by a new town with loads of roundabouts. If Wigan Athletic aren't careful we will be replacing them with Skelmersdale Tics"

Graeme Jones said "If one more person mentions crowd size I'll fucking nut them"

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Police investigate Oldham Athletic Boundary Park fire

An investigation is under way into a suspected arson attack at Oldham Athletic's Boundary Park stadium.

A disabled seating area and the Corner Flag suite at the ground were badly damaged by the fire on Sunday evening.

CCTV showing two elderly men who entered the ground before the fire has been released by police in the town.

Club officials said repairs would cost an estimated £40,000 and they now face a race to get the stadium ready for Yeovil Town's visit on Saturday.

Scenes of crime officers and fire investigators spent the evening at Boundary Park following the fire at 1730 BST.

Police said the two elderly men were spotted scaling a fence into the ground at about 1715 BST, minutes before a wooden pallet was set alight in the stand.

Detective Inspector Don Beech, of Greater Manchester Police, said: "While nobody was in the ground at the time, whoever lit this fire was reckless and had no regard for the fans whose enjoyment of the football will be ruined by this.

"I'd ask people to take a good look at these images and if you recognise either of these people, please contact me. We have our suspicions. These men are likely to be responsible for a series of insurance jobs all over the North West dating back to the fire at Orrell Rugby Union in 2002."

cctv footage of the 2002 Orrell RU fire

The first firefighter on the scene Fireman Sam said: "It's very disappointing.

"We'd have put the fire out sooner but we couldn't get the truck anywhere near the ground because of a helicopter parked in the way."

Eyewitness Davey Whelan was first to comment. "It just shot up in flames" he said as he kicked an empty petrol can in the bushes. "It's a pity the bugger didn't carry on burning for longer, I own some of the surrounding land here, a gym would have looked great"

The first man is described as white, aged between 70 and 75, with a perfectly spherical bright red face.

The second is also described as white, around the same age, with short fair hair and a whiff of lavender. He was wearing a pink Liberace style number and walked with a slight mince.

Both left the ground shortly after the fire took hold. Investigations are continuing.

Whelan concerned about crowds

By YAMS Staff Reporter

Wigan chairman Dave Whelan is more concerned about poor attendances than he is about his side's poor start to the season.

Just over 150 fans travelled to Hartlepool on a filthy August night as Wigan somehow managed a 0-3 victory just three days after getting twatted by Chelsea.

"It was very disappointing," Whelan told Sly Sports News. "I know it was Tuesday night because I looked at the calendar just before kick off but 150 is a pretty shit following.

"We've come a long way in a short time. I asked the coach driver to put his foot down.

Whelan claims he is not altogether surprised Wigan have suffered such a poor start - and gave his full backing to boss Roberto Martinez.

"We played shite in the first half on Tuesday but managed to kill off a team two divisions below us in the second. We know we're in for a fight this season.

"Roberto is a very good manager. Because we beat Hartlepool I’ve given him another two years on his contract.

"Roberto is working for the long term.

"When you lose against Blackpool and play poorly, you get letters from fans saying sack the manager. But Roberto is here for the long term even if we’re in League 2 in a few years."

Meanwhile, Whelan confirmed Wigan are prepared to let France winger Charles N'Zogbia go if they receive an offer they deem acceptable.

"It depends if anyone comes in and offers the right money," he said. "If we get the right offer, he can fuck off now we’ve got that lad from Chelsea on loan and for bugger all wages.

"His agent was very nice about it all and understood where we were coming from once I threatened to have his legs broken."

Monday, August 23, 2010

YAMS Returns

Hello cunts. It's been a while. Five fucking years since the last bastard site update in fact. Ten years since the first launch of YAMS, can you bastarding well believe that?

It was easier to write when things were going bad. As everything started to go our way there was nothing to fucking whinge about so the site suffered. I then got a new job and became a soft cunt worring about getting fired if all the fucking lawyers letters eventually led to anything worse.

Things have now changed. Being out of work has suddenly led to me not giving a flying shit about anything anymore. There may be no more John Cancer Benson, Brenda 'electric chair' Spencer or Maurice fucking Lindsey but there's a whole fucking barrel full of other absolute cunts to rip the piss out of all over the fucking overrated pile of shite of a league we now find ourselves in.

I might be a lot older, fatter and greyer now but you'll be glad to know I haven't fucking grown up.

Hope to see a few of you back on here, and as always contributions are more than welcome. Until then I'll see what I can rake up myself and will be dredging up some old articles every now and again, possibly even ripping some of them off and passing them off as new stories.

Just remember kids, swearing is still big and clever.